1. |
letter to Stanley
02:31
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You said, "Do I look like him?" when you shaved for his yahrzeit. I said that we take after my granddad. Newsprint and boxes of Bic pens stored in the basement and you can't walk through it. Useless hanging onto all of the tapes that I won't use, books I finished and old shoes. Depression and a tendency to go up in your head when nobody's talking (or when somebody's talking).
They said you were a lowlife. I'll have you for my whole life, the parts I do and I don't like.
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2. |
letter to my daughter
03:38
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Hold onto your innocence. Fuck what your well-meaning friend says. Don't watch horror movies. Wear your plastic jewelry. Loneliness is a fairytale, true love never ever fails. Hold onto your innocence. Grown ups are only taller kids and no one really sleeps alone. I see you when my eyes are closed.
You'll have time for things when you're older that kill your sleep so compose your poetry like no one will read it. Be safe from cigarettes. Cell phones just hurt your neck so when I call let it ring and take all the time you need. Be patient with yourself because erasing will keep you healthy. Show us all your insides, beautiful like twilight car rides with some music that gets in your guts and makes you laugh because you're lonesome, but not for now. You turn everything up loud and breathe out.
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3. |
msyoulvyou
01:36
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Take me out of here. I want to see something that'll make sense, kill the permanent creases that weigh on my conscience. I want to be a believer. Take me out of here or I'll take myself.
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4. |
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Goodbye, day. We made it through another one. Hold my hand and tell me I am born to die next to you. At least we had the coffee and I'm happy to have suffered with you.
I'm staring into a pool of water dripping from the AC where I sit hoping it won't get in my wine. Turn the page and the paragraph of ending is laughing in my face telling me it's about that time.
Goodbye, days. We made it through all of them to say we did and hope to find a reason. Anyway, I am terrified of the end, but I am not the only one.
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5. |
beautiful boys
02:16
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Baby is a word I won't put in a song. Sing me all your stories of grain alcohol and cocaine - if you need me I'll be in the hall. I'm sorry for not sitting through half of your set. You bullshitted through half what you said and I could've heard it on any cassette from around or before '97. It just sounded like a desperate attempt - that I get, but I'm over it.
Beautiful boys behind their guitars with their beards, but no voice taking a swing at fame and only want to get laid. But I don't have a choice, I gotta make this noise.
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6. |
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You feel okay most of the time, but it's the other times that stick around. I try to get out of my selfishness, but I'm the only one who sticks around. Yeah, but probably other people feel it too. I have to prove it to myself again so I try to get out of the apartment every now and then - I'll take Nathanael West to read outside. I'm not the only one who exists. Or am I? Eh, probably not.
Listen, about the way you feel, it doesn't matter. It's about the way you react to the uncomfortable stuff. And all of the pain that we conceal, they don't see, but you bet it's real because it belongs to us. They don't see, but it means something belongs to us.
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7. |
letter to anyone
02:36
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Sit me back down, don't want to talk to anyone. Sit me back down, I don't have time for anyone.
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8. |
ughh
02:24
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How could you say that? How could you say that it was only a thing? Didn't you think that it would come back to me eventually? You know, I can take that, but don't make a mistake that I don't see the crack in your cool.
It feels like you're heartless. I know you're not heartless, you just can't tell the truth. You say you're happy alone because you're independent. You say the same thing to us all, but you had a tender streak I recall. You might have them fooled, but I see through the wall you built out of "casual" and a smile, but this ain't a song for that side of you.
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9. |
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(written by Times New Viking)
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10. |
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I met you at a show when you walked in with your coat on. When I think about you now it's mostly in your basement bedroom and how you probably could've used a hand to hold when all this went down. I was too young to understand at the time, but I can see that clear now. I'll make up with this song for what I lacked. Is this enough to reconcile the fact that I was part of the fork in your past before you started mostly wearing black?
I've owed you this for so long that it's probably too late to even do it. Are we past the point when bringing all this up would only just confuse us? But did I sit across from you in the hallway, your bedroom door the only thing in our way? And did you listen for me to walk away? You would've heard nothing because I stayed.
We're back in touch.
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11. |
deep breath
00:37
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(bird sounds, amp hum from inside the bathroom)
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12. |
Grace can have this one.
04:33
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You can't stand looking at mothers with kids because they remind you of all of the steps that come before that like finding someone that you love and they love you back. Isn't it cool that we all fit here on the earth at the same time? And how highly unlikely is it of finding each other. I'm just talking numbers, I don't pretend to understand the rules of this game. It'd probably be easier to just believe in fate.
Take time for loneliness - we all eventually do. Whatever you're calling this, it can only be good for you. And somebody is feeling it right now. They're probably here in this room. Stop asking me "How are you?" and tell me you love me. Tell me you love me through and through.
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Trouble sleeping Louisville, Kentucky
Trouble sleeping was Zachary Goldstein with lots of help and friendship.
now:
woodsan.bandcamp.com
zacgotobed@gmail.com
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